I didn’t realize that so much time had past since I last posted here. There have been changes in my life over the past month. Some good, some bad. Strangely the good and the bad relate to the exact same things.
DM did end up having to lay off all of his employees. He ended up moving his office into our house and is now working from home. The good thing is that we will be just fine, financially, now that he doesn’t have to pay out any wages or health insurance costs. We both feel very positive that this will be the best decision for our family. It is also great that DM is able to spend more time with DLM. I really feel it will help their relationship immensely.
The bad part is that DM is home ALL. FUCKING. DAY. Don’t misunderstand. I love DM very much. But I need my time to myself. I don’t feel I should have to justify or explain how I am choosing to spend my time or the way I am choosing to raise our son or manage our home. I don’t need to keep him up to date on every little noise or creak that our house makes. Or explain why I am choosing to go up or downstairs for a moment. The fucking micromanagement is going to drive me up the fucking wall. I am hoping it will pass as the newness of the situation wears off. But for now, DLM and I spend a lot of time upstairs in his room playing or going for walks. We run random errands, too, just as an excuse to get out of the house.
I am so not interested in giving a play by play of what I am doing. You know? It makes me fucking crazy when I need to run outside for a minute to get something out of my car and this conversation insues.
*as I am opening the front door*
DM:Where are you going?
Me:Out to my car for a sec.
Me:I need to get something.
I mean JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! Is this conversation really necessary?! In the time it took us to have this ridiculous conversation I could have retrieved the item I was after and all questions would have been answered.
Am I being a total douche about this? Please tell me. Because it makes me want to tear my face off when anyone does this to me.
Anyways, it’s been a blessing and a struggle all at the same time.
Another fun thing is that DLM is in his “I know I can’t explain what it is I need, but you better give it to me right this instant OR I WILL SHOOT FUCKING FLAMES OUT OF MY FACE!!!” phase, right now, which is fun. So I spend the majority of my time trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation without killing anyone. This usually involves me calmly putting DLM in his playpen and letting him know that he can scream all he wants in there and when he is ready to be calm I will get him out, along with DM yelling from the other room for DLM to be quiet. (Not really sure yet how yelling at someone to stop yelling is really going to give the right message.) And then asking DM to please stop yelling and that it is very important that we be on the same page when it comes to rearing our son.
Fuck me. I am just to overwhelmed and exhausted these days I don’t know how much more I can take.
So for now, I just take many many many deep breaths and remind myself that I love my boys more than anything in the world and that this phase will pass for both of them. But, still, any words of encouragement that you can offer would be well received.