Trying to Adapt

I didn’t realize that so much time had past since I last posted here. There have been changes in my life over the past month. Some good, some bad. Strangely the good and the bad relate to the exact same things.

DM did end up having to lay off all of his employees. He ended up moving his office into our house and is now working from home. The good thing is that we will be just fine, financially, now that he doesn’t have to pay out any wages or health insurance costs. We both feel very positive that this will be the best decision for our family. It is also great that DM is able to spend more time with DLM. I really feel it will help their relationship immensely.

The bad part is that DM is home ALL. FUCKING. DAY. Don’t misunderstand. I love DM very much. But I need my time to myself. I don’t feel I should have to justify or explain how I am choosing to spend my time or the way I am choosing to raise our son or manage our home. I don’t need to keep him up to date on every little noise or creak that our house makes. Or explain why I am choosing to go up or downstairs for a moment. The fucking micromanagement is going to drive me up the fucking wall. I am hoping it will pass as the newness of the situation wears off. But for now, DLM and I spend a lot of time upstairs in his room playing or going for walks. We run random errands, too, just as an excuse to get out of the house.

I am so not interested in giving a play by play of what I am doing. You know? It makes me fucking crazy when I need to run outside for a minute to get something out of my car and this conversation insues.

*as I am opening the front door*
DM:Where are you going?
Me:Out to my car for a sec.
DM:Why?
Me:I need to get something.
DM:What?
Me:Something!

I mean JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! Is this conversation really necessary?! In the time it took us to have this ridiculous conversation I could have retrieved the item I was after and all questions would have been answered.

Am I being a total douche about this? Please tell me. Because it makes me want to tear my face off when anyone does this to me.

Anyways, it’s been a blessing and a struggle all at the same time.

Another fun thing is that DLM is in his “I know I can’t explain what it is I need, but you better give it to me right this instant OR I WILL SHOOT FUCKING FLAMES OUT OF MY FACE!!!” phase, right now, which is fun. So I spend the majority of my time trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation without killing anyone. This usually involves me calmly putting DLM in his playpen and letting him know that he can scream all he wants in there and when he is ready to be calm I will get him out, along with DM yelling from the other room for DLM to be quiet. (Not really sure yet how yelling at someone to stop yelling is really going to give the right message.) And then asking DM to please stop yelling and that it is very important that we be on the same page when it comes to rearing our son.

Fuck me. I am just to overwhelmed and exhausted these days I don’t know how much more I can take.

So for now, I just take many many many deep breaths and remind myself that I love my boys more than anything in the world and that this phase will pass for both of them. But, still, any words of encouragement that you can offer would be well received.

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Oh, hon, that would drive me absolutely up the wall. All of it. Sorry to hear that everything’s so stressful. Have you talked to DM about it? Not in the heat of the moment, but maybe get a babysitter, take him to dinner, and bring it up? Sorry I’m so far away or I’d come hang with DLM while you two went and had some quality stress-free time. I hope it gets better soon.

  2. Ok, well I am relieved that you are doing well financially…I was worried! And no, you aren’t being unreasonable that it makes you crazy to be asked all those questions. Maybe DM did that to his employees and he just needs to ask someone. Maybe he misses talking to people during the day and isn’t sure how to connect with you….but still. It’s ok to tell him that you love him but it makes you crazy.

  3. Maybe so, but I am not his employee I am his wife. His partner. His equal. And it SHOULD be ok to tell him that he is making me crazy. But he has this magical way of turning the situation around and making me look like the asshole and I find myself suddenly apologizing that I was so insensitive to his feelings. HOW THE FUCK DO I LET THAT HAPPEN?!!! Why can’t I stand up for myself? Not everything is about him and my feelings are valid, too!!

  4. It was a huge adjustment for me when my husband started working from home too. Although, MJ is more the type that wants to be left alone. It still kind of irritates me though, having him here so much, because he has to use the phone a lot, so I’ll go to use the phone and he’s on it, or I have to make sure he’s not on the phone before I start doing something that makes a lot of noise, like vacuuming or watching porn (kidding). And sometimes he’s on the phone for freaking HOURS which is really inconvenient. And sometimes he wants to listen to the meeting on speaker phone, and some days I want to shove it up his ass. He was only supposed to work from home 3 days a week, but because of the weather and the project they’re doing, he’s been home for over a month solid. I used to be nice and make him lunch and shit like that, but now I make him fend for himself.

    He doesn’t interfere with me though, and if he did, I’d tell him to shove it, and he knows it. It sounds more to me like DM is the one with the problem, not you. Nobody wants someone up their ass all the time, and he needs to get over that. I have no suggestions on how to accomplish that, other than to tell him to knock it off, even if he whines, don’t back down. Eventually he’ll get over it. (Or he won’t, and you have bigger issues than him just trying to supervise everything.) The weather is warming up, get out of the house as much as you can in the meantime.

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